How do I feel?

How do you feel? Is the most common question I get from my Doctor these days. I find it hard to describe how I really feel. I've had 25 years of not feeling well and disassociating from how I feel. Now to try and explain how I'm feeling and what the differences are ... that's not so easy. All I know is that I'm feeling better and better all the time. Yes, I still get tired. No, I still can't move the way I'd like to. One thing from having been sick and my legs have really taken a beating...and I have Edema in my right leg...so yes that still swells a times.

I'm finding it hard to describe how I feel, let alone explain, do I feel better taking this medicine or did I feel better not taking it. Talking about how I feel and actually acknowledging how I feel is a totally new experience for me. I've learned to ignore how I feel, because I never felt well.

Talking to Chris last night and I was telling her that it is hard for me to dream about the future, because I've had so long of not dreaming because when I did I only had pain and frustration of not being able to move. She was so gentle and just told me...it's OK. I'm still not used to having a future that looks good and bright and healthy. My future just might just be looking up.